


Who We Are

by AudibleEllipsis



Series: Already Found [3]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Gen, Pearl is Trying, Snapshots, Teen for Complicated Themes, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-11-08 12:44:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20835680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AudibleEllipsis/pseuds/AudibleEllipsis
Summary: Spinel has been on Earth for a few days now, and things are already beginning to change in unexpected ways. Connie wants to learn how to sword-fight, and in the process Spinel and Steven learn a little more about the war, Pearl, and the human spirit.First chapter is a bunch of snapshot scenes from non-Spinel characters, then onto the 'episode'. Takes place before, during, and after "Sworn to the Sword".





	1. Polaroids

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll warn that I haven't shied away from the implied dynamics between Lapis and Jasper here. There's no like, punching or hitting or anything, but it's definitely like what we see in the show. Easy to skip by going from **Lapis** to **Pearl**, but you'll be missing context later.

**Connie** had always found the Gems and everything they did fascinating. Her life had been mundane before meeting Steven, and there wasn’t a single day she wasn’t happy to be even the tiniest part of something so incredible. More importantly, she was happy to have a friend, and someone she could care about. It led her to think about the things she knew about the Gems a lot, and was exactly why she couldn’t help wondering why Spinel was so different compared to the rest of the Crystal Gems.

“What do you think she was before?” Connie asked Steven, now seated on the log where Jamie and Spinel had been.

“Huh? How do you mean?” Steven asked.

“You know, before she was left behind.” Connie frowned. It sounded awful, to be standing somewhere for so long. The worst wait she’d ever had was for Steven to respond after an ominous phone-call, and that only lasted a day. She couldn’t imagine a year, let alone six thousand just to hear from someone. Time might have passed differently for the Gems, but she couldn’t imagine how that might change someone.

“Um… I dunno.” He put a hand to his chin, other cupping his elbow. “Garnet talked to her alone after I brought her back, and I just kinda haven’t asked any questions, I guess.”

“It’s just, she’s really nice to everyone.” Connie webbed her hands, looking down. “The Gems protect humanity, but there’s always something about us even Pearl doesn’t know, and Spinel is already getting into acting?”

“I think she’s just nice.” Steven said simply. His smile was easy, and unconcerned.

It was hard not to worry about him sometimes. Steven was as soft a soul as they came, better than any of the heroes she’d grown up idolizing in her books. The compassion and bravery he showed everyone was enough to pull her into anything, even if she couldn’t help thinking that one day, it was that kindness that would get him hurt. Still, his faith in people was always more than enough to get her to leave those doubts behind.

“Yeah.” Connie admitted. “You’re probably right. I saw her juggle earlier. Maybe she was an entertainer. Do Gems have careers?”

Steven hummed, and let himself fall backwards, _‘thwump’_ing onto the sand. “I dunno. Pearl really likes space...” He gasped suddenly. “I bet she was a _super_ good pilot!”

Connie giggled, and fell back with him. “Or a librarian.”

Steven giggled too.

Some day, she wanted to be more than a curious bystander. It was the promise she kept in her heart, waiting for the moment it could reveal itself. It always felt like the least she could do for her first ever friend. For the Earth, and, to be a part of something bigger.

Day after day, things got a little more complicated. But, laughing with Steven? Making jokes with him? That was simple. And she hoped that never ended.

* * *

**Jamie** had never met someone as easy to get along with as Spinel. For as long as they were walking through the city, she insisted on being called ‘Spring’ and kept her jacket zipped up, but he had no idea why. She said it was for Steven, but didn’t elaborate. It wasn't like he had a problem with it anyways, but it did make him curious.

The whole time they were walking, Spinel asked various questions, about what houses belonged to who, or what certain words meant, and he might have thought he was being pranked if it weren’t for the sincere, grateful smile she wore every time he answered a question. Spinel was happy to see his bravado, laughed or made ‘ooh’ noises once she understood his metaphors, and was all around just one of the most pleasant people he’d ever met.

Everyone else seemed to think so, too.

_“That must be why it’s called closing!”_ She joked after he explained what Sadie and Lars were doing collapsing umbrellas outside of the Big Donut. It actually managed to get a snorting laugh from Sadie, but Lars thought it was bad enough to ditch the place, so Spinel offered to help finish up. There was a route to get to but, hey, he was already late with damaged goods, how much worse could Barb's chewing out get?

Apparently, Spinel knew the Cool Kids already as they waved when walking past, and Vidalia seemed really taken by her outfit. There was teasing about the two of them being an item, but Spinel quickly refuted that with _“Oh, no, I’m not a possession,”_ which Vidalia chuckled at and said _“Right on, stay free.”_ Somehow, he was able to avoid the mortifying embarrassment that should have claimed his life in that very moment, and got away with only a minor tease from Vidalia about how red his face was.

By now, the sun was pretty much already set. The last, fading stripes of red across the horizon were made inadequate by the deeply purple night above and all its stars. In all that time, never once did Spinel ask how much longer there was to go, or if they were finally going to be done walking around. It was refreshing. He hadn’t had many friends in his life, but, he hoped she could be one of them.

And... he sort of had to admit that she was pretty cute, too. Her bubbly voice lifted him up like it was nothing. After Garnet's wisdom, though, he would let time decide if these were just emotions running hot after the past couple days, or if he really _did_ feel something for her. Worst case scenario, he was prepared to ask and be told no. He felt ready for that kind of rejection now, and only hoped that by the time he figured it out, he'd know enough about her to understand if asking was a terrible idea or not.

A little further up the road, on its own little corner, was _‘It’s a Wash’_, the only car wash in town. Run (and owned, he was pretty sure) by one Greg Universe. Aside from the raves he heard went on sometimes, it was pretty much the only place where out of townsfolk would _have_ to chat when they stopped by. The station wasn't fully automatic yet, so he'd seen Greg at work with a hose talking to people all the time. He turned to Spinel to point it out.

“And this is Steven’s Dad’s place. Uh, sort of.” He felt a little weird pointing out the living situation, even if it was pretty commonly known amongst the townspeople.

“What’s a ‘dad’?”

That… was not a question he was prepared for.

“A dad's… No way, this time you’ve _gotta_ be pranking me.” He gave a weak smile. It was almost too easy to believe she really wouldn’t have any idea what a dad was.

“No, I’m serious! Look,” She wiped a hand across her face, like he had, going from cheery to a stone cold stare, then back again. Her expressions were so good it actually sent a shiver down his spine. “See?”

“Alright, alright. I guess you sold me with that performance.” He grinned a little dumbly. “But, I’m probably not the one to tell you.”

“Oh, then… who should I ask?”

He put a hand to his chin. “Huh… I'm... not, sure?” It was such a baffling line of thought to have to chase. “I guess, my parents would have told _me_ when I was young, but...” It made him wonder what Spinel’s life had been like if she had to ask. If it had anything to do with why she needed to take on a different name and look in town.

As best as he could tell, Spinel lived in the house by the awesome statue set against the cliff with all those other magical ladies (and Steven), and that place had more than a reputation surrounding it. He'd even heard there was some kind of giant space-hand that came by while he was out of town, but he couldn't be sure if that was just Barb pulling his leg again. Still, Jamie found it was better to believe in the unusual and take it on as inspiration, rather than cloud it from his mind.

“I guess… Who does that leave me to ask?” Spinel seemed to seriously consider it. “Maybe Steven…? Pearl…?”

“Probably best to decide on later.” Jamie offered. “Mr. Universe is a pretty busy guy. Let’s talk to him first.”

“Oh, right.”

The man, heavyset in his older years, still rocked a thick mane of hair that carried all the way down to his waist. Even though it was just a mullet paired with a bald head now, Jamie liked to imagine it must have looked pretty spectacular a long time ago when Greg was (apparently) a famous rock star. He was hosing down the concrete in a stained, sleeveless white shirt, some torn-up jean shorts, and sandals.

“Mr. Universe.” Jamie approached.

“Oh, hey Jamie.” Came his kind voice. “How’s it going? Barb givin’ you a hard time?”

He was one of the only townspeople whose first instinct wasn’t to ask if he had any mail for them, which he’d always appreciated. “Ha, no, but I’m guessing she will later. There was an accident earlier and some stuff got waterlogged.”

“Is that what we’re calling an accident?” Spinel jabbed, snickering unhelpfully. 

Mr. Universe looked her up and down. “Who’s your friend?” He asked.

“This is Spring.” Jamie said. By now, she trusted him to introduce her right.

“Pleased to meech’a, Mr. Universe.” She looked at her hand a moment, then stepped closer to shake it like a human would.

“Good to meet you too.” He answered with a friendly smile, then looked to his own hand. “Wow, you’ve got a pretty good grip, huh? Anyways, what’s up, is something the matter?”

“Oh, no, nothing like that, it was just…” Jamie swallowed the anxiety. “I was wondering if... You hear a lot of small talk from people passing through, and I was wondering if you’d heard anything about any amateur acting groups? Improv courses? That sort of thing. Me and Spring want to try out for a few.”

“Actually, yeah, I had a young couple talk about how they wanted to see the sights after getting off from a cool group in Charm City. They said they’d probably be back in about a week, so I’ll be sure to ask ‘em for you.”

“Yes!” Jamie reached dramatically out with one hand, clenching his fist, head tilted back. “Not as the camellia, but as the flowers of a cactus do I bloom. Slowly, raised from difficulty and hardship in a land ill-suited do I adapt, prepared to take the stage and find my way, until finally my petals might witness the mighty glow of the full moon above!” Spinel gave a few small, quick claps. “Thank you.” They both bowed.

“Well, you’ve definitely got the passion of an actor.” Mr. Universe praised. “I hope it goes well for you two. Show-bizz can be tough.” Jamie nodded, smiling sadly. “But, know what? More important than just having passion, is knowing where to put it. Don’t be afraid to follow your heart. If you decide somewhere down the line you’re just not as into acting any more, that’s fine too! I might’ve been more successful if I kept on with my career, but I’m happier here. Trust me, how well you can look back on life is _way_ more important than the cash you could’ve earned.”

Jamie nodded along, taking in the advice. “I’ll be sure to remember that.” He turned to Spinel, who also seemed to also be thinking about it. “I’ll get in touch with you as soon as I hear from Mr. Universe. In the mean time…” He rubbed the back of his head, smile dopey. “I just wanted to say. Thank you. For everything. You’ve been a huge help, and I don’t really know how to repay you.”

Spinel’s expression grew complicated for a moment, then settled back to her normal smile. “Aw, shucks, it was nothin’. Not like I won’t be having fun too, right?”

“Oh, right.” He paused. “Well, see you around.” 

They parted ways, and for just a little longer, he let himself wonder what her life had been like.

* * *

**Steven** sat in a fluffy, cloudy, reclining chair. He figured Spinel would love his mom’s room in the Temple, and he was right. They’d spent the last little while making slides and pools to dive in and all sorts of other things. Now, she was stretched out, head to the floor, feet dangling off the reclined back of her own chair.

“So,” Spinel asked. “Each of the gems has a room like this?”

“Well, theirs are all pretty different, but yeah.”

“What about Garnet? Does she get two rooms?”

“Um…” He paused. “Technically, I think her room is the one with all the lava? But, I guess I don’t know if Ruby and Sapphire have their own rooms. I should ask her.” Steven shook his head. “Anyways, this isn’t really my room. It was my mom’s.”

“What’s a ‘mom’?” Spinel asked.

Steven supposed this had to happen eventually. He was just sort of hoping someone else might have answered _for him_ by now. It seemed almost expected, in a way, that it would come down to him to explain it when he probably knew the least about her.

“Well, for most people a mom is like… she’s a lady who takes care of you.” He realized only afterwards how harsh that might make his next words sound. “But for me, she was Rose Quartz. Because she was a gem, she had to give up her form to have me.”

“Rose Quartz…” She mulled over the name. “So, that gem you have…”

“Yeah.” He sat up from his chair. “It’s hers, too. My mom was the leader of the Crystal Gems. She was a hero to a lot of people, and I wanna live up to that some day.”

Spinel frowned. He wasn’t sure at what part.

“You’ve… kind of already seen her. She’s the lady in the painting at the front of the house.” She was still frowning. “Something wrong?”

“... I dunno.” Spinel looked downright _sad_. Since pulling her from the garden, he’d never seen her like this. A knot of worry formed in his stomach. Then, she spoke again. “Hey... this room can make anything, right?”

“Sort of.” He rubbed the back of his head. “It doesn’t do well with big stuff. It can’t make the whole city, and I think you have to know a lot about people if you want it to fake-make them.”

Her voice was small.

“Could it make someone I knew?”

Steven frowned. “Is this about Pink Diamond...?”

She turned her head away.

“I’m sure it can, if you want to see her!” He tried to encourage. He wasn’t really sure if that was right, but all he knew how to do in a situation like this was be supportive.

“... Should I?” The words were so quiet, he couldn't be sure if he was meant to hear them.

“Well, why wouldn’t you?” He asked simply. “She was your friend, right? Something probably just happened to her.”

To that, Spinel said nothing. There was a short pause, and then she sprang back up, contracting back to her normal proportions. She regarded him with a smile, which even seemed genuine. “Hey, know what? You don’t need to worry about stuff like this. Why don’t you show me somethin’ else? Show me that Lapis gem you’ve been writin' all those letters too.”

“Oh.” It took him a few seconds to recover. “Sure.” He was very conscious to not imagine the image he usually thought of when it came to Lapis, knees tucked to her chin, eyes cast down behind a screen of yellow. Instead, he thought of the way he’d seen her atop the ocean tower, when her wings had just come out, and turned back to him with bright eyes and a smile.

“Thank you, Steven!” The image recited.

“... Wow.” Spinel reached out. “She looks happy.”

“She deserves to be.” Steven said simply, swallowing.

Spinel looked at him with concern, then kneeled to eye level, like she had with Connie. “Hey, next time you write her another letter, why don’t I write one too? I’m sure she’d be happy to know she’ll have more than one friend if she comes back.”

“You mean it!?” Steven shouted. “Oh, thanks Spinel, you’re the best!”

* * *

**Lapis** felt sick. Battered. Bruised. And altogether more satisfied and vindicated than she ever had in her entire life. It was hard, keeping Jasper down, but rewarding. Energizing.

On Earth, she’d been nothing. Small. Scared. Pathetic. For every ounce of her capabilities, it was never enough to be free. But now, holding power over the other gem she’d kept locked in this fusion, she was experiencing what she imagined to be a _fraction_ of the empowerment everyone must have felt when they decided to treat _her_ like a tool. Like a toy. Like nothing.

When Jasper offered revenge, Lapis knew it was hollow. Just another in a long line of people trying to use her again. It had been so long since she’d been in control of her life, she couldn’t even remember what it felt like. Maybe she never had.

She wondered if this was what control felt like. A steady, sickening, twisted feeling. The constant tug of watery chains that bound her form to the endless abyss beneath. The length of the chains was defined by her will, and she had more than enough to force Jasper into the deepest watery recesses of their shared mind as she could imagine.

Even still, Jasper’s voice was never fearful. Only _righteous_. Her laughter was always triumphant, like _she_ was the one in control. Their minds whispered hideous thoughts. About being used. About using others. About war, and vengeance, and betrayal. Slowly, Lapis could feel herself becoming numb to those words, just as she was becoming numb to everything else.

There was never enough time to think anything over. The past, the present, how she felt, what it was she was even feeling. Everything was just another strategy, another chance in the second she let her guard down long enough for Jasper to resurface and take _her_ turn at being in control. It never lasted forever. Lapis wouldn’t let it. But the cycle was _maddening_.

When this had all first begun, she was so _sure_ she still wanted the chance to understand herself. To understand what had happened, and the way Steven seemed to feel. How he could be so bold, and so wrong, and how she could still find herself believing his words all the same. But that didn’t last long.

Her insides had turned. Here, every thought became venomous. Spiteful. Scared. Somewhere deep inside, she still understood how awful every second of this existence was, but it had begun to feel like there could be nothing else.

There was no where left to go. Homeworld had only used her, _again_, and the Earth was _miserable_. A failure. A _mistake_. A reminder of the conflict she’d never believed in, and the fighting she’d never wanted to be a part of.

In the end, it was better to become numb. It meant not caring. Not thinking. There was a certain freedom in that, Lapis found. When her thoughts were only on how she’d push down Jasper next, there wasn’t any need to worry about her own problems. While she kept those chains wrapped around herself, it was easy to focus on only the physical. The feed-back of being pulled apart and held together by nothing more than her own willpower. At least she was in control of those things. Meanwhile, her feelings were a maelstrom of dark emotions she couldn't even _begin_ to understand.

Suddenly, something bumped against their form. Against Malachite’s-- No, _her_ form. Lapis’ vision swam, focusing just enough to look around while never fully leaving the sense of Jasper. Last time the larger gem had managed to get control, she’d torn through a jungle island, trying to find a warp pad. Now, they were beached along a shore, imprint heavy in the sand.

The offending object was small, and glass. A bottle, she was pretty sure. Wrapped around the inside was a piece of paper that read _‘To Lapis’_, while there was another one inside.

“To… me?” Came Malachite’s distorted voice.

Her power grabbed at the bottle, requiring the utmost care not to break it and ruin the paper instantly. The edges of her water allowed the paper to hang in the air, and she read.

_‘Dear Lapis,_

_I hope this letter finds you well. It’s been a while since I’ve heard from you, and I’m a little worried. Well, more than a little. I guess it’s best just to be honest, huh? I sort of always knew that, but I learned it again after a funny adventure I had with a new friend. Oops, I’m already running out of paper. Sorry, it had to be small to fit into the bottle. But I’m writing more! And sending a lot out! I hope at least one of them makes it to you, but if one already has, then maybe you’ve already read that part too. Either way, I hope you decide to come back soon. Whatever happened. However you feel. I want the chance to talk to you about it._

_Your Friend, Steven Universe ☆’_

She spotted another bottle drifting away, not too far. The tide pulled as she did, and it drew closer. To her immense surprise, this one had _gem_ writing on it. _‘To, Steven’s Pal’_, it read on the outside. She pulled out the letter, curious.

_‘Heya!_

_You don’t know me, but my name’s Spinel. Steven can’t read this, and I didn’t tell him what I wrote, but, I wanted to give it at least one shot to tell you that he really believes you’ll come back if he just asks. I can’t really say I know what it’s like to be you, but I know what it’s like to be stuck somewhere for thousands of years, just waiting for someone to come along. Steven came along for me, and it sounds like he came along for you, too. He’s young, I guess, and I don’t think he really knows a lot about us. So, if part of what’s keeping you out there is not wanting to bother him with whatever’s going on, I wanted to promise to at least be an ear for you. And, maybe even a friend? I dunno. Whatever you need, I’ll try to be. I just wanna return the favor. I’ve only known Steven for a little while, but I can’t help worrying about him anyways. Maybe you understand?_

_Yours truly, Spinel ♡  
P.S. Your wings look pretty!’_

The message caused Lapis to lose concentration, enough that she hadn’t even noticed Jasper resurfacing until she was already standing above the water. The orange gem bore down, standing tall.

“What a pitiful attempt at subterfuge!” She declared. “To think they’d stoop so low, pretending to be a new gem entirely. But I suppose Rose has already done _worse_.” Her fist clenched, breath hitched. “Are you going to believe them?” She taunted. “They just want you to come back so they can imprison you again. But if we return together, we can make _them_ feel the way _we_ do.”

It was more than alarming, the way Jasper had picked up on her cues by now.

“No!” Lapis shouted, but she could already feel her grip on Malachite coming undone. “Steven _isn’t_ Rose, we’ve been over this!”

“It’s all deception! Just like you know Rose used on me in the war. Just like they used on you when they handed her that mirror.” The chains grew taught, as Jasper pulled lengths of it out of the watery shape beneath. “Think about it while you’re down there. You’ll see that I’m right. I always am…”

The surface tension of the water slipped away, and she was sinking, pulled downwards at incredible speed. It wasn’t long before she stopped, though, and the weight of all that water piled onto her. Still, even pushed so far down, there were things she could do.

Whether it had to do with the increase in power that came from fusion, or the unstable nature of their union, she could sense, better than ever, the things in and around the water she controlled. She spent a fraction of that, an amount Jasper would never notice, and began to look for more bottles.

Jasper could have Malachite for a little longer. She had something more important to do. For the first time ever, Lapis considered the possibility of another way out.

* * *

**Pearl** had stopped pacing only a short while ago. Amethyst and Garnet were gathered in the kitchen while Steven and Spinel were out doing something else. Amethyst was sitting on the kitchen counter while Garnet was leaned against the breakfast bar.

“We can’t bring her along.” Pearl stated firmly.

“What are you _saying_?” Amethyst sputtered. “We’ve _got_ to bring her on board! There’s too much going on.”

“We don’t need the help.” Pearl returned. “We’ve been doing just fine on our own for this long, and that hasn’t changed.”

“_Everything_ has changed!” Amethyst threw up her arms. “What is up with you? You don’t trust her?”

“No, it’s--” She pressed a hand against her forehead. “I trust her, it’s just… She doesn’t even know everything yet. She doesn’t have a weapon. She-- she wasn’t made for this!”

“Neither were you.” Garnet stated evenly.

By now it was clearly just an argument between herself and Amethyst, where-in Garnet was acting as a mediator, likely waiting for the right moment to assert her own opinion.

“Steven didn’t know anything _or_ have a weapon when we started bringing him along, and he’s not even a full gem!” Amethyst was getting heated. It was only natural, friction between the two of them had no end. “I don’t get it, why don’t you want her to help?”

It was impossible to fully explain. Amethyst was right, of course, as much as she hated to admit it, and Pearl found it likely that Garnet would feel the same way, given the fear they all shared of a repeat incident if Peridot was allowed to figure out a way to get back to Homeworld.

But, it was about more than just how ready Spinel was.

Of course that could all come with time. Explanations could, too. But right now, Spinel knew almost nothing. She was getting along with the humans easier than perhaps even Amethyst did, and had the chance to stay unaware. To just… have fun, like she was meant to.

For the longest time, Pearl thought that Spinel had simply been lost somehow. That she’d been reclaimed by the Diamonds, or left behind out of necessity when Pink enacted her plan to become Rose forevermore. But to think that she’d been left behind for six thousand years, commanded to stay still… At the time, Pearl hadn’t even noticed Spinel was missing. She was too absorbed by her duties, by the attention and affection Rose had given her. Constantly thinking of new ways for her Diamond to discover things about the planet and colony she’d grown so attached to. Spinel was an after-thought then, and even less afterwards.

But none of that was an excuse.

The love she’d shared with Rose was tender, and scorned. It hurt still. Every day it hurt, some days more than others. But with Spinel around, she couldn’t help thinking about all the things Rose hadn’t shared with her. It was obvious by now that Rose hadn’t trusted her fully, despite everything. Despite reinventing herself for the cause, despite staying by her side, despite abiding by her every decision in the end.

Perhaps it had to do with her nature, with the gem she’d been made as, or perhaps Rose simply never trusted anyone but herself completely. She wouldn’t pretend to understand, and she wouldn’t pretend to love her any less for it. It hurt, but despite the things Rose had said about Gems’ inability to change, Pearl had always seen _her_ growing, too. It was all too easy to believe that, maybe some day, Rose would have shared everything with her, too. Now more than ever, she wished Rose was still here. She wished she could talk to her, confide in her, have answers to give. But that time was gone.

“It’s just…” Pearl began, facing away. “She deserves better. Don’t you think.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement. She’d become hunched, slightly. “She has the chance to be what Pink Diamond denied her. Six thousand years…”

Watching. Waiting. Alone. At least Pearl had the others. Their pain was different, and couldn’t be compared, but she understood what it was like to wait for someone too. The irony of course, being that they’d waited for the exact same person.

“P…” Amethyst said softly.

“It’s not for us to decide.” Garnet finally said, more solemnly. “Spinel is the only person who will know what she wants. But… We can wait just a little longer to tell her everything. You’re right, Pearl, she deserves at least a little more time.”

At that, the front door opened, and Steven and Spinel stepped through. All of them looked to each other, and it was more obvious than she’d have liked that they were talking about her. All the same, Pearl offered a weak smile, which Spinel returned. Amethyst hopped off the counter.

“Yo, Spinel, you’ve already seen Steven’s room, now you gotta see mine!” She said, full of camaraderie and enthusiasm. Pearl had to admit, she was happy that Amethyst had someone to get along better with. While she couldn’t help the friction that developed between them, it wasn’t as though she didn’t want Amethyst to have friends like herself. Pearl put out a hand, upturned.

“Yes, and after that, I’d like to show you mine. I’ve recovered a lot of artifacts I think you’ll enjoy seeing.”

“Pfft,” Amethyst blew hot air. “She’s just got some swords and junk. I’ve got _stories_.”

Spinel snickered, before smiling again. For real this time. “I’d love to see _both_ of your rooms. I’m sure they’re _both_ fantastic.”

“Yeah, but mine’s better.” Amethyst folded her arms, and couldn't even pretend to be upset.

Pearl only scoffed and rolled her eyes, but couldn't find it in her to frown either.

Steven laughed, and so did everyone else.

* * *

**Spinel** was getting used to the idea of Steven sleeping every night. He woke up so bright and happy, she could only see sleeping as a good thing. At least, for the little human/gem hybrid. She was still coming to terms with that. It was such a strange idea, so out there, so bizarre, and she couldn’t help wondering what Pink would’ve thought of it.

The moonlight pouring in was soft, and so was the shade of blue the night sky had taken that day. Steven was in bed, and had asked her to tell him a story about the worlds she’d seen. It didn’t amount to many, but she was able to talk about a tiny planet covered in volcanic ash and water with seven moons orbiting it, and all the beautiful things that did to the sky.

He yawned, and she pulled the covers a little higher.

“Hey, Spinel.” He said suddenly.

“Yes, Steven?”

“I’m glad I found you.”

“... I’m glad you found me too.” 

He yawned again, and turned over to sleep. 

Below, Amethyst was waiting to take her out on a ‘Warp Tour’, to see more of the Earth together. Spinel whispered, before leaving. 

“Goodnight Steven.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this turned into more than just a small 'bonus' episode. I'm pretty happy with it anyways. I was going to learn how to do extra formatting for those letters, but it seems like formatting is a bit more complicated on Ao3 than I'd like to learn. 
> 
> Next up, one of my favorite episodes in all of Steven Universe.


	2. Knights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Pearl is doing a whole hell of a lot better than in canon.

“So, you’re saying I have to trade in the green paper for whatever I want?” Spinel asked.

“Yes.” Pearl nodded, satisfied.

“What if no one’s around?”

“Well, ideally you’ll only enter establishments when they’re open, but if for some reason you absolutely _must_ take something, you should still leave the appropriate amount behind.” Pearl was awfully patient, Spinel recognized.

“What if the door isn’t open? Can I open it?”

“Only if the… store… is… open.” Her words slowed and she steeped her fingers. “I’m beginning to see the problem. You see, Spinel, humans like to use many words to mean the same things, but in broader, more metaphorical senses. In this context, the door can be literally open, while the store can be metaphorically open. That is to say, ‘available for commerce’. Typically, there will be a sign outside that says as much, or the lights will be on. If neither of those things is true, then it’s a good indicator that the store is _not_ open.”

“Pearl, Pearl, Pearl!” Steven’s voice came from outside, Connie trailing behind. “You’ve gotta train Connie to sword-fight!”

Spinel tilted her head. “Oh, sorry, were you supposed to be doing that?”

“Er, no.” Pearl looked between the two of them. “That’s another example of human language. When Steven says I ‘gotta’, in this case it means he’s enthusiastic about the idea.”

“Yeah!” Both of Steven’s fists were raised. "You should teach Connie, she’s already so good!”

“Steven!” Connie blushed.

“But you are!” He insisted. “You helped me fight the robot floaty-thing,” And turned to Pearl. “She took down that evil clone of herself, uh… those mean seagulls just now…”

“Evil clone of herself?” Spinel frowned.

“Long story.” Steven waved. “But Pearl, you gotta train her!”

Pearl took in a breath, finger to her chin. “Well, you’re awfully young to begin training in something like this… But, I suppose I was only a few thousand years old when I began fighting alongside Rose Quartz.”

Spinel counted on her fingers. “Jeez, that would make you… About eight thousand years old?”

“Er…” Pearl seemed confused for some reason. “Yes?”

“Hey, that makes you almost as old as me!”

“Woah…” Steven gasped. “So Pearl’s the little sister?”

Pearl sighed, slightly exasperated. “No, it doesn’t work that way Steven.” And noticed, alongside Spinel, that Connie had been waiting with her hand raised the entire time. _That kid is just the cutest..._ Pearl gave an apologetic smile. “Yes, Connie?”

“Please, I wanna learn!” The eagerness dipped, but her resolve doubled. “I mean, I don’t know what’ll happen in the future, but if something dangerous comes along, I don’t want to be a burden, I want to help!” She blushed. “I want to be there for Steven, to fight by his side! The Earth is my home too… can’t I help protect it?”

Spinel watched with amusement as Pearl’s expression steadily crumpled into a quivering smile, eyes bright with tears that she blinked away. “Oh… Okay…” The white gem stood up, planting her fist in an upturned palm. “If that’s how you feel, we should get started! And, erm, Spinel. I, suppose you could spectate. If you wish.”

Steven cheered, happy as could be, already following Pearl to the warp pad. Spinel quirked an eyebrow at the delivery, but kneeled beside Connie anyways, offering a slightly extended shoulder-pad as a platform for her to sit on. “Come on, kiddo, warps are serious business.” She nodded, grinning, and got on. Together, the four of them warped.

Connie, now much lighter, lifted slightly off her seat, but Spinel’s hand kept her gently in place. “Whoaaa…” She whispered, presumably taken by the way warping felt and looked.

“It’s a beaut, ain’t it?” Spinel asked.

“It’s amazing…” Connie answered, giddy.

The light faded, and all four of them landed perfectly. Steven seemed impressed with himself, and offered his friend a hand to help her down once Spinel kneeled again. Pearl was already at the top of the stairs, guiding the way forward. At some point the white gem must have retrieved a short sword from her gem because Spinel could swear she hadn’t warped in with it.

“Hey you three, this way!” Pearl said with a smile.

“Race you!” Connie challenged, and the kids ran off. 

But, Spinel lingered.

The massive structure they’d come to seemed to be floating on an outcrop of white stone, marble tile and designs still as extravagant, clean, and reflective as they must have been thousands of years ago. The integrity of it all was questionable in some places, bits of stone chipped off here and there, floating not too far from their sources, but far more eye-grabbing was the massive Diamond Authority symbol embossed onto the closest wall. Big as it was, Pink was still at the bottom. Even on her own planet, it seemed the order didn’t change. Spinel was trying to make sense of all the circular etchings and connections beside the emblem when she heard Steven’s voice again.

“Come on, Spinel, let’s go!”

“Coming!” Spinel spared the emblem one last look before springing up the wall and moving on.

Past the tall, wide entryway was a differently impressive sight. She and Steven stood atop rows and rows of stands and stairs leading down to a wide, mostly cleared arena at the center. Only a fraction of what it must have once been was still there, the rest broken off and lost. On either side a few columns remained, the only terrain in the entire place. Each one had some writing on the side, about ‘glory to victors and the empire’, but most of it was too worn to be made out. When they reached the bottom, Pearl was already narrating to her new student.

“This is an ancient Sky Arena, Connie, where some of the first battles for Earth took place. It was here that I became familiar with the human concept of being a knight; completely dedicated to a person and a cause.” Spinel hummed at that, and Pearl turned, unsheathing the sword she’d brought along and placing it carefully in Connie’s upturned palms. “This is what you must become, Connie. Brave. Selfless. Loyal. A _Knight_.”

Spinel wondered again what it might take for her to fight. If there was such a thing as a cause she could believe in enough to want to clobber someone. In the conflict that came after Garnet’s story ended, would she have fought for Pink Diamond if she’d been asked to?

Pearl gestured for Steven to come closer. “We begin with a bow, first to me, your teacher,” She bowed to Connie, who bowed back after a small delay. “And again, to your liege.”

“O-kay.” Connie turned, expression and tone mock serious. “My liege.”

She bowed, and Steven returned it. “Miss Knight.”

A moment later, both of them devolved into barely restrained laughter. Spinel grinned, and decided right then that being a metaphorical knight was enough for her.

“I hope you two are taking this seriously.” Pearl reprimanded.

“Yes ma’am!” Connie shot up. Steven nodded (‘Mhm, mhm’).

At that, Pearl’s gem glowed, and from it projected a holographic copy of herself, eyes and mouth simplified. Spinel gasped.

“_Woah_, is that real?” She’d never seen projection so detailed. It was barely even transparent, and the soft blue light looked heavy somehow. Spinel moved to poke it. “How’d ya--”

“Spinel, no!” But she’d already touched it.

The hologram chirped, and took an offensive stance, eyes turning red. “Unregistered combatant de-tected.”

“Whoa, cool!” Spinel smiled. The hologram formed a sword of its own, and made simple, predictable swings at her. She made a show of dodging for the kids, limboing under the horizontal swings and barely shifting for the vertical ones. “Ooh, almost got me with that one.”

Steven had begun to run over before Pearl materialized a spear from her gem and hurled it through the hologram, dismissing it.

“Ugh, Spinel, _please_, be careful.” She scolded. “This has to remain a controlled environment to minimize any risk of injury Connie is under.”

“Risk of injury?” Steven parroted, concerned.

“Yes.” Pearl answered, walking to Connie. “These _are_ real weapons, so the risk is always present. You understand, correct?”

Connie nodded, determined. “Yes ma’am.”

“Good.”

Spinel twirled her ponytail between two fingers. “Ah, sorry Pearl, I just got real excited. How’d you make a holo-you? That’s a neat trick.”

“It has to do with our storage.” Pearl smiled, self-satisfied. “It’s not information Homeworld would have given you, but it’s possible to create things using the extra light within your gem. Gems built for war, like Rubies, Amethysts, and Jaspers are made knowing how to summon a weapon, but not how, exactly, it works. Gems such as you and I are made with an excess of light in order to store anything needed, and it’s a gift I’ve worked quite hard to push to its limits.”

Spinel noted that Pearl was careful not to state what she meant by ‘such as you and I’, and figured Steven must not have known what function pearls served just yet. She could understand not wanting to say anything, but was also happy that if Pearl called her capacity a gift, she probably wasn’t ashamed of her origins.

She spared a glance to Connie, whose eyes were shining at the information. “I see…” Spinel hummed, and then walked off, placing a hand against Steven’s back to get him to follow. “Come on, Steven, we’d better clear the way.”

His eyes lingered on the newly formed holo-pearl for a moment before relaxing. “Right…”

Pearl, holo-pearl, and occasionally Connie chirped away in the background while she _‘thwump’_d onto a seat next to Steven. For the first little while, Spinel was silent, listening along as Pearl talked to her knight-in-training about stances, balance, and where to keep her eyes. But no matter how much she liked Steven’s little friend, the whole thing was pretty dull to watch. Spinel eased up, stretched out, and leaned back.

“Hey, Steven. Can you summon a weapon?” It seemed unlikely for a few reasons, but maybe he’d surprise her.

“Oh, yeah, actually.” He raised an arm, and hovering just ahead of it was a beautiful, round, pink shield, a thorny spiral pattern weaved across its face that seemed emblematic of the gem it must have come from. “I got my mom’s shield. Pretty cool, right?”

“Sure is.” Spinel stretched an arm out and tapped against it. The shield felt funny against her light; solid, ringing faintly when she ran her finger along the rim. “It even hums, sorta. Seems right for you.”

He chuckled. “What do you mean?”

“A shield’s real good for helping people, right? So are you.”

Steven buried a hand in his thick, curly head of hair, smile wide. She could tell he was proud of himself for that, and it was good to see. “Well, what about you, do you have one?”

“Never needed one.” Spinel leaned back further to stare at the sky, legs kicking idly. “Closest I’ve got is probably one of these.” A gloved hand reached over and pulled from her gem one of the pink translucent balls she juggled with, holding it out for Steven to take.

The young gem reached over, and buckled forward when he tried to take it on his own. “Wh-What the… This is really heavy!” He huffed, recovered, and lifted it again, now having much less trouble. “Or, at least, way heavier than I thought it’d be…”

“Really?” She took the ball back and spun it on one finger. “Feels like nothin’ to me. But, I guess that makes sense, too.”

Steven giggled. “What, are you super strong or something?”

“No? I just kinda… stretch.” There was more to it than that, but there was no way she could ever explain what felt so natural about the way she moved. All the little motions and efforts she made. Tiny, unnoticeable contortions; tightening, letting loose, all just to throw a ball a little higher. All just to jump a little farther.

“So… what do you think your weapon _would_ be?” Steven began to kick his legs like her.

It was really up in the air if she’d ever have to figure that out. Spinel didn’t have a lot of context, but it sounded like things on Earth were more fraught now than ever. It was a wonder _if_ she’d be able to avoid the fighting. All in all, it just… wasn’t what she was made to do. It wasn’t until Steven’s voice came, concerned and sweet, that Spinel realized she’d been frowning.

“Spinel?”

“Ehh, don’t worry about it.” She waved it off. “I’m not sure I could make one anyways.”

“But, didn’t Pearl--”

“Hey, Steven? Let’s talk about something else.”

“Oh… okay.”

The rest of the session passed uneventfully. Spinel made a game of trying to put a shape to some of the clouds in the air and Steven played along, but his attention was mostly on Connie. That was fine, but less fine was the way his attempts at conversation always veered skillessly into how she might fight, or what, if any, other kind of talents she might have had. Steven was trying, she realized, but it did nothing for the atmosphere.

* * *

The next day, Connie came back with a little white strip across her cheek.

“Ooh, new fashion accessory?” Spinel asked.

“Huh?” Connie’s eyes narrowed in confusion. Spinel gestured to her cheek. “Oh! No, I got a cut. I guess… Well, I guess you haven’t seen that yet? Humans aren’t like gems. We get hurt pretty easily, and sometimes that means we bleed, too. We’re, umm…” She struggled to find the word.

“Squishy!” Steven offered helpfully. Connie giggled.

“Yeah, squishy.”

“I see…” Spinel muttered.

“Don’t worry, it’s been properly disinfected!” Connie added. Spinel had no idea what that meant. “And, if it’s too bad, Steven can always heal it.”

“Right, sure…” Spinel wanted to ask further about that, but was too distracted by worried thoughts. “Well, don’t let me keep you kids. Go have fun with Pearl.”

The two dispersed, going to meet Pearl at the Arena, and she spoke to Amethyst about human ‘squishiness’. The purple gem went on at length about how fragile humans really were, and about all the ways they could be hurt, and how none of them could retreat inside a gem when the stress of their bodies got too high.

Spinel decided right then that she'd balance Pearl’s training with some fun of her own.

* * *

“Ready?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Ready!”

“Alright. A-one. A-two. A one-two-three-four!”

Spinel lead along as, after another training session with Pearl, Steven and Connie attempted juggling using ‘hacky-sacks’. Key word being ‘attempted’. Neither of them were awful at it, but it was never a smooth, continuous motion. Connie’s coordination was pretty good, but her motions were a little subdued, like she was afraid to toss one too high and hit herself in the face with it. Steven had the energy, but couldn’t keep his arcs stable. Together, they’d make the perfect student for all her techniques, but as it stood, they were doing fine enough anyways.

“Hey, lookin good you two.” She encouraged. “You’ll be pros in no time!”

Connie giggled. “I don’t know about that.” But Steven only cheered.

“I’m gonna get the gold medal in olympic juggling!”

Connie hummed, still smiling. “I don’t think that one’s real, but--” She barely managed to catch a stray ball. “It probably should be! This is hard. How do you make it look so easy, Spinel?”

She offered a conciliatory smile. “Well, I guess ‘cause it _is_ easy for me. But, I was made to do this stuff. I think it’s real cool that you two can learn whatever you want.”

Steven stopped juggling a moment. “My mom thought the same thing.”

Spinel hummed, and gave him a soft smile. “Sounds like someone who cared.” Steven grinned wide at that.

“But, Spinel,” Connie asked. “You can still learn, can’t you?”

Spinel shrugged. “Sorta? Maybe? I dunno…” Connie stopped juggling, looking at her seriously now, but Spinel didn’t feel comfortable stopping. “I’m probably not the one to ask. Amethyst has been tryin’ to teach me how to shape-shift like she does, but… it’s not goin so well.” She tried not to frown. “The way I am, it’s hard to stay compact for real long, so I dunno if I’m ever gonna be able to do it.”

“Well, then you just have to keep at it, right?” Connie offered. “I’m going to learn how to sword-fight, no matter what it takes! So you can do the same!” There was fire in her eyes, but it was tempered by the success she’d already had.

“... Right.” Spinel managed, packing up her balls. “Anyways, I’ve got some stuff to do, but this was nice. I’m glad you two are picking up on it.”

* * *

‘Stuff’ consisted of losing herself in a night of exploration and revelry with Amethyst. Somewhere in the jungle, which they’d been swinging through with wild abandon, the purple gem with a whip and her with her limbs, they’d been ambushed by another of the weird, not-gem creatures, a bird that screeched and cut through branches. Amethyst had no trouble bringing it down, whip wrapped around its torso, cannon-balling through the canopy to bring the creature down hard. It promptly ‘poofed’, and Amethyst rushed over to ‘bubble’ it, apparently sending it back to somewhere in the temple.

Meanwhile, Spinel just watched, hidden far above in a tree, sort of afraid. The pink gem felt useless, paralyzed by indecision, but… Amethyst had it handled, didn’t she? So, maybe there was nothing to worry about.

It was hard to carry on with ‘stuff’ that night.

* * *

The next day, Connie had a bruise along one arm that made it hard for her to keep up with the motion of juggling. Spinel told her it was fine if she wanted to rest instead.

The day after, one of her eyes was a little swollen, but the bruising was gone thanks to Steven. She seemed less interested anyways.

Two days after that, Connie couldn’t even really hold the hacky-sacks right. Her hand had ‘calluses’ on it, and clenched automatically whenever one entered her sword-hand. She said it hurt too much, and that she was sorry to let her down, and Spinel’s heart ached for the poor girl. It was clear that it didn’t matter to her that she was hurting, just that she’d ‘let someone down’. Steven’s expression regarded her with the same concern, and it occurred to Spinel that he must have had to watch whatever this was happen slowly over the course of the last week.

Spinel decided she’d watch the next training session in secret.

* * *

She had come to the Arena long before Connie was due to arrive, and had no doubt that the girl-- and Pearl-- would arrive exactly when they were supposed to. She hid in one of the honey-comb holes where the stands had fragmented off, confident she wouldn’t be seen.

After all, she was _real_ good at hide and seek.

Spinel watched as the issue of Connie’s hand came to bear, and Pearl bandaged it, humming along to a tune. “Deep down, you know, you weren’t built for fighting. But that doesn’t mean you’re not prepared to try.”

Steven brought refreshments for a break, but Pearl…

“What they, don’t know, is your real advantage. When you live for someone, you’re prepared to die.”

Spinel’s brow furrowed.

The training began. Pearl had summoned a significantly more dangerous version of the holo-pearl she’d avoided, but Connie was keeping pace. Meeting swings, blocking, parrying, dodging. She’d come a long way in such a short time, and no small part of that had to be due to the dedication she had for Steven. Amidst the fighting, Connie hummed, and Pearl responded.

“Deep down, I know, that I’m just a human--”

“True. _But you know that you can draw your sword and fight!_”  
“_But I know that I can draw my sword and fight!_” The holo-pearl’s blade came dangerously close to stabbing straight through Connie’s face, but she leaned away just in time. “With my short existence--”

“Good.”

“I can make a difference--” She leapt from above, dangerous, aggressive. If the holo-pearl had moved just a little differently-- But Pearl--

“Yes, excellent!”

“I can be there for him,” Connie swept the hologram’s legs, and brought her sword to its neck. “I can, be his knight... I can do it for him!”

“_You’d do it for her._” Pearl sang. “Okay, now do that again.”

“Yes ma’am.”

Spinel watched the scene play out many times many ways. Her heart jumped just a little every time, and Steven couldn’t have looked more anxious if he tried. When the session came to an end, both of them kneeled before the small gem, swearing loyalty. She wasn’t even sure if Steven met their eyes, and a cold feeling gripped her gem and squeezed.

Steven and Connie left, while Pearl stayed behind, conjuring more holo-pearls, no doubt thinking of what rigors she’d put the girl through next. Spinel took the opportunity to swing out from her hiding place, landing in the stands. “What the heck was that?”

“Oh, Spinel.” Pearl regarded her with a proud smile. “Were you watching? Connie’s come a long way in such a short time, hasn’t she? Soon she’ll be an asset to Steven.”

“Cut it out!” She shouted. “Whaddya think you’re doing? You’re hurting Connie, and-and what’s all this about a ‘short existence’? You... you’re talking like you, like--”

“Humans don’t live as long as us, Spinel.” Pearl’s brow furrowed. There was none of the patience she’d had a week ago. “I thought you knew that already.”

“I do!” She spread her arms wide. “But, you’re talking like you expect her to _die_ for him.”

“Of course.” Pearl said cooly. Spinel felt a flicker of something dark, like on the beach the day she arrived. “I would expect no less from a knight, let alone a human. She’s not as important as her liege. It’s only right that she should be so dedicated.”

“She _is_ important!” Spinel shouted. “They both are! Steven doesn’t like what’s happening either!”

“It’s what she wants.” Pearl’s stance tightened.

“It’s what _you_ want!”

“Connie _understands_, Spinel. Steven’s legacy, his destiny, it’s more than she will ever be.”

Spinel’s expression cracked in anger. “That’s _not_ what Rose said!”

“Not what--” Pearl looked down, raking a hand through her hair. “Enough!” From her gem she materialized a long, thin sword in its sheathe. “You think you know more about war? About the things we’re prepared to do for love? About what Connie should be? Prove it!” And hucked the blade her way. It landed with a clatter a few rows down, while Pearl drew another from her gem, a straight-bladed saber. “If you can beat me here, then I’ll listen.”

Spinel stared at the sword. Again, she was forced to ask herself, _could she fight_? There was nervousness now, and fear. But what was she so afraid of? Commitment? Was it the idea that she could fall in love with something that could forsake her all over again, even if that thing was just an idea? Were the gems like that? Was Steven? It was impossible to know. It’s not like she could have seen Pink’s abandonment coming either. But, when she glanced up to Pearl, who seemed so _smug_, so _satisfied_ by the way the challenge had shaken her, that dark feeling returned, only now she understood what it was.

It was _rage_. Before, on the beach, it had been untempered, unfocused. She was angry, but at who? At everything. At every_one_. It lashed out from within her gem, but with no one to focus on, it only left her reeling. But now, there was only one thing she was mad at. Only one _gem_.

Spinel stood tall. If this was where some of the first battles for Earth had taken place, then it would be where her first battle for those humans took place. She may not have had a weapon, but she was a Knight all the same, and she would use every tool, toy, and idea at her disposal.

“Name the game! Whaddya rules!”

“Single combat.” Pearl answered. “To surrender or dematerialization. We will not target the others’ gems.”

“Ha! Easy. You’re gonna regret challenging _me_ to a game.”

“And soon you’re going to realize just how far in over your head you are!”

Spinel pulled at her gem and took out five translucent balls, juggling as she walked down the stands. Pearl took up a defensive stance, expecting a ranged encounter.

“Keep your eyes on the-- BALL!” She hefted them up, and launched the first in a high arc that would carry past Pearl. The white gem’s eyes were distracted, but only for a moment as Spinel rapidly worked her hands, catching the others as they came and preparing to throw the next. _Keep the audience’s eyes away from the trick._ Pearl raised the flat of her blade, free hand pressed against it to block the projectiles. Spinel bound forward, launching the remaining three in quick succession while she closed the distance in long strides. Each ball whistled through the air with all the speed and force her springy limbs could muster, and every impact pushed her opponent back, sliding along the tile, until she was directly under where the first ball would land.

Spinel grinned, distance closed, and prepared to take advantage when Pearl dodged to avoid the ball. Only, she did nothing of the sort. In a motion Spinel could hardly follow with her eyes, the blade lifted and carved downwards, extending far enough to almost catch Spinel, and splitting the projectile clean in two.

“No!” Spinel shouted.

“A trick like that might have worked on a beginner, but you’re up against someone with five thousand _years_ of combat experience!” Pearl launched forward.

Dodging her attacks was easy enough, though Spinel couldn’t pretend it wasn’t taxing. The white gem’s speed and ferocity were so intense that she never had enough time to tense in place long enough to spring away. Right now, she at least had the advantage of Pearl being unfamiliar with the way she moved, but that would only last so long. In this game of tag, there would be no back and forth. If Pearl got the chance to make her ‘it’, the game was finished.

_Alright, what do I got in my gem… Aha!_

“Now would be a good time to surrender.” Pearl taunted while Spinel reached two hands into her gem. The first launched a set of playing cards Amethyst had given her, covering Pearl’s line of sight, and the second fetched a comically long set of scarves tied together that Steven had given. “Wh-What the!?”

Spinel crouched while Pearl swung high, presumably to catch her when she tried to spring away, but the pink gem had other plans. Legs coiled, she launched forward at absurd speeds, arms stretched out to catch Pearl’s legs using the scarves. The white gem tripped hard, and while Spinel was still rocketing forward, one of her hands remained behind to catch her opponent’s leg. Spinel reached the stands, and just then let her arm begin to rubber band back, whipping Pearl forward.

The white gem slammed into the stands about a dozen feet away, sending rubble flying as dust and bits of stone kicked up and her sword was lost. Pearl gasped in pain, but Spinel wasn’t dumb enough to think her opponent would ever surrender, so she’d already coiled again, preparing to reverse the momentum and do the same thing on the other side of the Arena. Grip tight, both of them began to fly over the tiles.

Unfortunately, the distance was too wide, and Pearl was finally able to recover long enough to materialize a spear from her gem, threatening to slice through the arm holding her. Spinel promptly let go and brought it back, but both of them were still flying forward, and what happened next would all depend on how Pearl reacted once she landed. Flight finished, both of them kicked up dust as feet hit stone and stared the other down.

“_‘Now would be a good time to surrender.’_” Spinel mimicked, mocking. It was pretty petty, and there was definitely a better joke in there somewhere, but she was too focused to see it.

“Oh please.” Pearl, bruised and scraped, stood tall. Her gem began to glow while the clouds seemed to pull towards the Arena. “I’m just getting started.”

Suddenly, there was total cloud cover, and Spinel couldn’t see more than a few feet in front of her.

_Okay, okay, keep it together… Pink practically floated, but you still managed to figure out where she was with sound too._

Only, Pearl was even lighter, and Pink was never trying to run a sword through her.

Spinel closed her eyes, and decided to take a bet. “Hey, Pearl! You think Steven would be happy if he could see this?” It felt wrong, aiming for something so personal, but she needed a clue. A gasp. Anything. 

But... Nothing. Spinel’s eyes popped open.

_Fine, fine, she’s too smart for that. What’s left? Can’t spring up, that’ll just leave a hole in the fog and she’ll be able to figure out exactly where I’m gonna land. So… If I can’t move... I’ll just make it harder for her to get to **me**._

Her fists expanded, growing in size several times over, until they were massive bludgeoning implements, and slammed them against the tile around her in a radius a few feet out, shattering the floor, making it dangerous and difficult to navigate.

And then, in the still of the fog, she waited.

_… There!_

Ahead in the fog, she could see the form of Pearl running straight at her, sword lowered. The shape tumbled over an outcropping of rock and Spinel _launched_ a fist the falling shape’s way. It burst through with practically no effort, and in that moment, she understood her mistake. The joy of outsmarting her opponent was crushed to nothing as she felt the steely tip of a real saber against her back.

“Surrender.” Came Pearl’s simple command. Spinel didn’t move. Frustration, and a deep-seated sense of inadequacy were making themselves known in her chest. Eventually, she relented.

“... Fine.” Her voice was already cracked.

The fog dissipated, but she refused to turn to Pearl. There was a click as the sword sheathed, and hot tears had begun to form.

“Ha… what am I doing… I should’ve known better than to think I’d win.” Spinel sniffed. “To think I’d be able to… to stand up for those kids. I don’t even know what I’m talkin about. I’ve been here for fourteen minor cycles, and look at me go. Gettin my head filled with ideas about being worth something to this place. Like I _ever_ mattered.”

Spinel clutched her chest, and began to laugh.

“Spinel, you--” Pearl’s voice was stern as she placed a hand on her shoulder, but Spinel jerked away, turning.

“Can it, alright!” She was surprised to see confused eyes and a deep frown on the white gem’s face, but refused to think about it. “I get it. She’s all yours. You know better than me anyways.” And sprang off before Pearl had a chance to say anything else.

* * *

That night, Spinel tried to beat her high score at the dancing game. But, she didn’t even break the top ten. It was probably better that way. She wasn’t sure what three letters she’d have put in if she did.

The day after, Spinel avoided Connie when she came, and Steven when he seemed concerned, sending him off with a ruffle of his hair. Amethyst offered to do something, but she wasn’t feeling it, and Garnet was still out searching the ocean.

When it became night again, she sat atop the lighthouse overlooking the cliff and the city. She was alone, but when that anxiety came, she didn’t fight it, only wallowed in it. The light cycled underneath, and a full moon and all its stars were in the sky.

It was absurd, the way she’d come here, thinking things might be different.

When had she first known better? _Really_ known better, that Pink wasn’t coming back? It was impossible to remember, but then, maybe that just meant she’d never really known. Maybe it was all hindsight, trying to make sense of something that never could. Hope had always been heavy in her heart. It was what weighed her to that spot, and kept her still even when the roots began to grow around her legs.

While she waited, those images played in her head, over and over; the fantasy she kept alive. Any second, Pink would appear again in that warp. She’d be so _proud_ of her friend for playing the game right. She’d smile, and put a hand atop her head, as gentle as she’d always been, and apologize for taking so long, and Spinel would cry, but it would be okay, because her _best friend_ was here again. There would be a spring in her step, and Pink’s smile would remain the same, but even if Spinel’s could never be, that was okay, because her best friend still cared after all.

Now, the images always corrupted in her mind. Pink’s smile became the barely disguised apathy it must have always been. The exasperation that must have built over the years. Pink must have _hated_ her. Or, maybe it was less than that. Maybe she wasn’t worth the effort and energy it took to hate. Had she ever been more than a toy? Was she _ever_ a friend? There were so many years where she’d done nothing but devote herself to making Pink laugh. For years and years and years, Spinel tried to learn everything she could, always needing new material; Always _thinking_, and she could remember, so clearly, the way her Diamond’s bright eyes used to look into her own and _smile_. In Spinel’s mind, that was proof enough that she had to have been something once. Whatever had happened, it must have been her own fault. She must have done something so terrible, so _stupid_ that she didn’t even realize what it was. The same way she couldn’t even remember who Pearl was.

After all was said and done, she supposed it didn’t matter anyways. Figuring out what had happened was a fantasy, just like mattering here was.

Suddenly, there was an echoed thud as the tin roof of the lighthouse shuddered. The sound was too heavy to have been a bird, but not much louder. Someone else had landed up here. Spinel did her best to wipe away the tears.

“Who-Who’s there?” She asked, hating the way her voice cracked.

“Spinel.” Pearl stepped around the beveled top, her bright form sharp in contrast to the dark sky behind her. “Please, can I talk to you for a moment?”

Spinel looked ahead again, and gave a heavy sigh. “Sure. Why not.”

“I… was wrong.” Pearl began. She hadn’t expected _that_. “Earlier today, Steven confronted me, and worked with Connie. Oh, I wish you could have seen it… the way they covered for each other, the confidence they shared. It was all so…” Spinel meshed her hands together and squeezed. Pearl sighed. “Anyways, I wanted to apologize. I was just so… so _clouded_ by the way I once felt. By the duties I wish I could have fulfilled. The people I wish I could have saved. When I thought about the bond Steven and Connie shared, I twisted it. I put her in the place of a servant, and I just… it hadn’t even entered my mind that, maybe, perhaps they could work together as _equals_. When I was with… when I…”

She paused. It was a long pause. Long enough for Spinel to feel right looking back, to see Pearl’s eyes full of sadness and longing and so much more. The white gem sat beside her, and this time, when she placed a hand on her shoulder, Spinel didn’t wrench away.

“Spinel, I’m sorry. When I made that challenge, it wasn’t to show off, or to make you feel the way I did. I only wanted to… to dissuade you from fighting. Maybe, to prevent you from falling into the same traps I did. To stop the heartbreak, before it even began.” Her tone solidified. “But, that was wrong of me. It’s not my choice to make, and… And the way you stood up to me was _amazing_.” She laughed, shakily. “I… I only wish that when I’d first begun, my courage could have come from myself, too.”

Pearl’s other hand reached for hers, and Spinel squeezed back, softening her grip. Her lips pursed while she listened to the white gem continue.

“You’re so-- so _unique_, and intelligent, and _talented_. I’ve been fighting for five thousand years, but you came up with ways to surprise me like it was _nothing_. It must have hurt, I know, but when you stood up for Steven and Connie, there was a feeling inside you, right? Something so powerful, it made you feel like you could do _anything_. Like you could _be_ anything! And-And that’s what the Earth does! It makes us believe in so much more than we are, and, if you had met Rose… I’m sure you would have believed in it too... I’m sorry that you couldn’t.”

Finally, Spinel’s expression twitched. From sad, to heartbroken. She pulled Pearl into an embrace, and cried, and shook, and barely managed through shaking breaths. “How can you say all those things and-and mean them? You barely even know me…”

Pearl’s embrace became tighter, and there was something heavy in her voice. “Because, only a _fool_ wouldn’t be able to see how amazing you are.”

Something in Spinel broke. When the tears came, and Pearl held her, she let out every emotion she’d held in for six thousand years, and didn’t care how miserable or pathetic she must have sounded. When she finally managed to sit up on her own, Pearl’s shirt came away heavily stained, and Spinel sniffed again, quiet.

“Sorry about your shirt.”

Pearl’s voice became stern. “Spinel, don’t _ever_ apologize for the way you feel. It’s your right to be hurt, and sad, and to try and understand why.”

Spinel sat in silence for a moment, steadying the last of her shaking breaths. “Do you... know when Garnet will be back?”

Pearl nodded. “It should be soon. She said she didn’t want to miss saying goodnight to Steven too many times in a row.”

Spinel smiled, small and nervous. “Then, I think I’m ready to hear the rest of the story. I want to know what came next. I need to know what happened to Pink Diamond, and…” She gulped in a big breath. “I want to know who the Crystal Gems are. Who _we_ are.”

Pearl’s eyes glowed, and together they left the lighthouse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand Pearl joins the list of things which are friend-shaped. The gang's all here! 
> 
> I did my best with the fight scene, but it's hard to fluently describe a style that's so kinetic and fast. Hopefully I did alright.
> 
> Thank you all for the kind words. They really mean a lot to me! <3 
> 
> Next chapter, Spinel hears the full story.


	3. Flags

**Steven** hadn’t seen Spinel at all since she sent him off with ruffled hair that morning. Her eyes had been sorta distant, like she wasn’t really there, and that worried him. Apparently Connie didn’t even see her that day, and Amethyst said Spinel wasn’t feeling up to doing anything. But, she always wanted to do something, didn’t she? Maybe he was just making assumptions. It had only been two weeks after all, and she was a Gem too. And, obviously she was already doing a great job at making friends, but it didn’t stop his worry.

There was a lot to worry about, but he did his best not to. Or, at least, he did his best to do what he could about it. He’d sent Lapis a lot of letters, and he’d worked with Connie to come up with ideas about where Peridot might be, most of which the Gems were already doing, but some they thought were good.

It was night time, and Garnet hadn’t been around for a while either. Amethyst was apparently feeling funky, so she was in her room just sort of breaking stuff. And that left him alone at night, trying to beat Lonely Blade again. He couldn’t get nearly as far as Spinel did on her own, but maybe if he could figure something out, they could both beat it together.

Then, the door opened. And Pearl walked through with Spinel, the white gem’s arm slung around the pink one's shoulder. Both of them looked happy, but Spinel's eyes were sort of small.

“Hey Spinel,” Steven called from the loft. “Wanna take another shot at Lonely Blade?”

“Maybe later, Steven.” Spinel said.

“I don’t think you’ll have the time.” Pearl commented. “Steven, why don’t you go to bed early tonight? Tomorrow we’ll take you out on our next expedition to find Peridot. Thirty more minutes of that game, and then off to bed, alright?”

“Oh, uh… Okay!” Steven agreed, and sort of looked off at the door, still keeping Pearl and Spinel in his sight. Pearl whispered something to her, and Spinel nodded. Together, they left into Pearl’s room. And then, it was quiet again.

Steven paused the game.

He got up quickly, running down the stairs. But, before he could even make it past the kitchen, the front door opened again. Steven jolted, and turned back, not looking the least bit suspicious. It was Garnet, carrying a bubbled gem.

“Steven.” She said, in that tone that meant he was definitely doing something wrong.

“Yyyyeeeeeeesss?”

“You know better than to have snacks just before bed. It gives you weird dreams.”

“What?” Steven asked. And then looked around, noticing all the snacks Amethyst had left out. “Oh! Oh, right. Yeah, I was just…” The words petered off. Garnet kneeled, and picked him up. Steven couldn’t remember the last time he’d been moved like that that didn’t involve his life being threatened.

“Come on now. We’ll need you rested and ready for tomorrow. It’ll be a big day.” She put him into the bed and tucked him in tight. Incredibly tight. “Good night, Steven.”

“Uh… Good night.” He managed. Once she’d begun walking away, he was already doing his best to worm from the covers’ snuggly death-grip. Until, again, Garnet turned around at the door.

“And Steven? We have something very important to tell you.”

Steven’s breath hitched. His eyes became focused and his heart beat faster. “Yeah?”

She cupped her hands to make a heart, and smiled. “We love you.”

He couldn’t help the way his head fell backwards. “Oh.” Or the laugh that came afterwards. “I love you too! Good night Garnet.”

She waved, before the door sliced open behind her, and she stepped into what looked like Pearl’s room. Soon, he was able to escape the trap she’d placed him in, and sprinted to the door himself. “Come on door, please work…” His gem glowed, as did the pink one on the door, and it opened to his mother’s room. “Yes!”

Inside, the endless fluffy pink and white clouds hadn’t changed a bit. Once, he’d tried to run to the rooms edges, but when he looked back, it was like he’d hardly moved away at all. Mom's room was as mysterious as the Gems could be, but right now, it would give him some answers.

“Room!” Steven commanded. And then paused. “Oh, geez, is this like spying? What if it’s something super private…?” He hummed, and thought over the pros and cons. “Well, if it helps them, then it doesn’t matter, right?”

He nodded to himself. It made sense. The Gems always kept stuff to themselves; how _else_ was he supposed to find out what was happening? For the briefest moment, Steven remembered what Garnet had said about time and information, but when _was_ a good time?

“Room, I want you to make something that will let me see what everyone’s doing in Pearl’s room!” The clouds began to part some distance away. “Without them knowing!” He hurriedly added, and the clouds closed.

There was a small pause, and all at once, the clouds whirled and circled and merged, becoming a tornado centered on him. The clouds darkened to become blue and black and silver, and suddenly he was standing right in Pearl’s room, right beside her, standing on top of one of the many weird, pretty, floating, half-circle platforms that always had water pouring out of them. Panic hit him like a van.

“Ah! Wait, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be here! I mean, I definitely meant to, but I didn’t--” He stopped himself when he realized she wasn’t looking at him. Steven blinked, and took in a bit more of the scene around him. Spinel was listening attentively to Pearl as she held a long, wide blade in two hands, and Garnet was sitting cross-legged not too far from the edge.

“Of course, Lord Devreux didn’t take kindly to that, but rather than challenge me himself as the Nobless Oblige would dictate, he had a knight take his place. It was then that I claimed this sword in place of his life. More than fair, I'd say, and it’s not as if Rose would have approved if I didn’t find an alternative anyways.”

Steven had already stopped listening and was busy trying to see if he was just unnoticed or really not there. He stepped in front of Garnet and tried to wave. If anyone would notice him, it would be her.

“Hey, Garnet! I think your glasses are cool!”

Nothing.

“Huh… but is this _really_ happening, or did you just make this up, room?”

Again, the room parted some floor-clouds, and this time, Steven dared to poke his head out. From on high, he was able to see the exact same scene behind him also playing beneath.

“Woah…” He grabbed at the clouds, closed the hole, and stood up. Suddenly a crack sounded through the room as Amethyst’s whip wrapped itself around the faint ribbons streaming through the air, and the purple gem pulled herself up onto the platform.

“Hey.” She said casually.

“Ugh, there you are!” Pearl set the sword back in its place next to some others, and the collection retreated beneath the waters. “We’ve been waiting for you.”

“Pearl.” Garnet said firmly.

“Right.” Pearl stood a little straighter. “Now’s not the time.”

“What, did we find out something about Peridot or Lapis?” Amethyst asked, now taking it more seriously too. “That’s what we’re here to talk about, right?”

“Not yet.” Garnet answered.

Pearl turned to Amethyst. “Spinel wants to be a Crystal Gem as well.”

“What!?” Amethyst shrieked alongside Steven, not that she could know. “For real?” Spinel smiled nervously, while Pearl continued.

“You should have seen it. She stood up to me over Connie and Steven, and even performed admirably in a fight. Your first ever, if I’m to understand?” 

Spinel rubbed her arm and nodded, while Steven melted on the spot. She seemed so anxious before, but it was just because she’d stood up for them? For Connie too? 

"Oh, that reminds me.” Spinel said. “Amethyst, we need to get another deck of cards.”

“Legally, I hope.” Pearl said forcefully.

“Oh, of course!” Spinel nodded. The white gem might have believed Spinel alone, but with Amethyst smiling and nodding right beside her, she only sighed.

“Amethyst, I’m _not_ paying the fees if you end up in jail like the last time you went out to ‘just buy one thing.’” Pearl said, pinching the bridge of her nose. “It’s bad enough that one of us is a menace to society, _please_ don’t join the ranks, Spinel.” 

Spinel grinned, and nodded her head forward. “Weren’t you _just_ sayin you almost killed a guy for a sword?” Amethyst cackled.

Pearl gasped. “That was _different_, I was following the rules of human society at the time!”

“Yeah,” Spinel said. “But it sounds like the rules at the time were ‘do what you can get away with’, right?”

Garnet had been awfully quiet, so Steven turned back to look at her, and noticed a small, happy smile on the maroon gem’s face. He wondered if it had been there the whole time. And then, it became neutral, with only the ghost of a smile as evidence it had ever been there.

“Alright.” Garnet cut through it all with just her voice, calling the meeting to order. “Everyone, take a seat. Before she can be accepted, Spinel should hear the remainder of our history. Spinel. Are you prepared for this?”

The pink gem, all smiles beforehand, sobered quickly. “Yes.”

Garnet nodded. The gems all sat beside each other, opposite Garnet, with Spinel in the middle. Steven sat on the right side, next to Amethyst. “Then, allow me to finish the tale, of _Rose Quartz_.”

Steven’s eyes widened. And he wondered just how much he was finally about to hear.

* * *

**Spinel** frowned, and felt all the nerves in her core shaking around. The sound of the room helped calm her a little, constant, running water, somehow not as thunderous as it should have been. Amethyst placed a hand on her thigh, and Pearl placed one on her shoulder. She flashed both a thankful smile before focusing on the projected images Garnet was displaying from an upturned palm, narrating as they appeared.

“When last I spoke with Spinel, I spoke of Rose Quartz, and the way she’d come to know and love the life of Earth. What remains, I will keep brief, and essential. There will always be time for more later.” Garnet caught the others up. “Now. Rose’s words had begun to resonate across the colony, much to Pink Diamond’s dismay. Unable or unwilling to handle the issue herself, she called to her Diamond allies for help.”

The image shifted, from Pink crying out to the others (which Spinel felt was grossly out of character), to multiple lines of gems, all of different hues and appearances, and two were even familiar. “But Rose _also_ found herself with allies. Other gems which were cast out for being wrong, or unwanted-- A Pearl who belonged to no one, a Bismuth who built weapons for rebels, instead of towers for tyrants, and an entirely new fusion, formed not for power, but for love.”

_Belonged to nobody?_ Spinel had no time to think as Garnet continued.

“And countless others, all inspired by Rose to live for themselves on Earth. She was our leader, and those who fought for it became known as… the Crystal Gems.” A flag raised in Garnet’s projection, the same symbol she recognized from Steven’s shield. Spinel blinked.

“Because, you were all so colorful?” It was maybe a dumb question, but she was curious.

“Actually,” Pearl offered. “I believe it began as a dismissive term Homeworld used. Earth is in the Crystal System, but I can’t honestly recall when we officially adopted the name.”

Garnet nodded, then resumed. “With every fight our ranks grew, despite the odds we faced. Over time, the Diamond’s forces proved too strong, and Rose feared that soon she would have nothing left to protect.” For the first time Spinel could remember, Garnet hesitated. “In order to save the Earth, and dissuade the Diamonds from claiming the colony, Rose Quartz drew her blade, and shattered Pink Diamond.”

It was said quickly and efficiently. Spinel had sort of pieced it together by now, but the words hit her hard all the same. She seized, and gripped at her gem. 

“Shattered…” Spinel said quietly. The water continued to fall. “Shattered.” She repeated, staring down. 

Some part of her hoped Pink had been hurt, but even that felt wrong. The other three looked on in respectful silence, and Spinel was happy that their reflections weren’t stable enough in the water for her to tell what they were thinking. 

“She was real soft, you know?” Spinel barely caught a noise from Garnet. “I mean it. Every planet she went to, she did her best to bring something back, and have it taken care of. The organic life was too precious to be lost forever, she’d say. She arranged meetings with armada leaders just to talk to their crews. Just to know a little more about the life out there. The Diamonds thought it was a nuisance. The way they talked to her, and the way she talked about them, you’d think they hated each other, but, it was so obvious all she ever wanted was a chance. Well…” She chuckled darkly. “I guess she got it.”

But the laughter turned to pain, and it was so intense she couldn’t even hide it. The idea left her so twisted inside. Shattered. Spinel would never have her closure, but that wasn’t even what hurt her most. No matter what she might say, no matter how much time might have passed, Spinel still _cared_ for Pink. It was impossible to forget that smile, the fulfillment she felt, the melodious laugh, and how _frankly_ Pink always spoke. Now more than ever, she regret not showing how well she’d been listening for all that time. But she still had questions. 

“When Rose first talked to Pink, she was just dismissed. Yellow would have had a gem shattered just for _causing_ a disturbance, let alone speaking the way she did. Didn’t anyone try talking to Pink again?”

Garnet nodded. “On several accounts, Rose pleaded with Homeworld to leave them the planet. But Pink was relentless. It was the Rebellion’s belief that all gems deserved a chance away from Homeworld’s doctrine, so the gems we defeated were never shattered, only held in stasis. This was the first, and final exception.”

Pearl spoke up, but Spinel still couldn’t meet their eyes. “Rose’s desire for peace over war was the source of some discontentment in wartime. But, it also won many gems over to our side. I can promise you, everything Rose did, she did with a heavy heart.” Spinel let herself think over those words for a while before speaking.

“But, that didn’t end well, did it?” It couldn’t have, for these gems to be all that’s left.

“It did not.” Garnet answered. “The other Diamonds were furious. In one final gesture, they combined their powers and launched a single direct attack against the Earth itself, casting it in Corrupting Light.” Spinel looked up to see the images become more detailed. In the sky, three diamonds of light, brighter than any star, all at once became blinding, washing the world over. Rose pulled Garnet and Pearl close to her, casting up a wide shield around them. And then, there was nothing. But the image shifted again, to show a few other gems that weren’t close enough, glowing as white as the light had been, and their forms became twisted. Beastial parodies of the gems they’d once been, creatures with too many limbs or running on all fours, and though there were only a few, it was enough for the three untouched survivors to understand what had been done. Garnet’s voice became heavy, as Spinel stared, horrified.

“This is what the Diamonds have done. You’ve already seen two gems twisted in this way. They lack almost everything that once made them an individual, turned to base creatures of instinct.” Garnet reached into the water, and pulled out a ‘bubbled’ gem. “Rose tried many times to heal these gems, to return them to their former selves, to no avail. Steven has tried and succeeded in befriending a corrupted gem, though he didn’t know it at the time, and it has only served as further evidence that the cause is not beyond our reach. But for now, we can only keep them in stasis.” 

The image shifted to that of Steven tearfully holding onto a small, bug-like corruption of what she recognized as a Nephrite, even as the acid dripping from its mandibles singed against his coat and back. And then, to a falling stalactite that the gem sacrificed itself to push him out of the way of. Spinel thought it was a shame she’d run out of tears over the last couple days.

“But, wait. Then how’d Amethyst stay safe?”

The hand Amethyst had placed on her thigh came away to rub her arm. “Uh, I wasn’t out yet. I came out late from…” She didn’t finish the sentence. “Rose found me after kinda… well, a while later. I wasn’t a part of... all this.”

Spinel nodded slowly. That made sense, and was probably why Amethyst had been so quiet so far, and why she was so much smaller than she should have been. Pearl spoke up.

“The only gems to escape the corrupting light were directly protected in some way, or completely unformed. The bubbled gems we held were all popped and corrupted by the light as well. Some of these ‘monsters’ are gems Homeworld left behind, but most of them are our own. It’s our duty now to subdue and contain them in order to prevent catastrophic destruction across the Earth.” Spinel frowned.

“And, what, wait until you can fix it?”

“Nothing else we can do.” Amethyst shared her frown.

There was silence for a while, while the water thrummed and thoughts went through Spinel’s head. Finally, she put a hand to her chin, focused. “I can see what Rose saw in the Earth, and in the humans, and… and I can even get wanting to stick it to the Diamonds, but, what comes next?” She kept a lot of the reasoning to herself. Didn’t tell them she was busy thinking about whether or not the Diamonds actually cared about Pink. About if Pink might have felt like she _couldn’t_ come back for her. Pearl might have said she had a right to her feelings, but that didn’t mean she had to share ‘em all. “I want to know if you all have a goal.”

The other three shared looks.

“Right now,” Pearl began. “That goal is simply to contain any hazard to the Earth’s well being. That includes the three rogue gems you already know of, and the remaining corrupted gems as they reveal themselves.”

“Yeah, but what comes next? I mean, say you _do_ figure out how to heal them. Is it back to fighting against Homeworld?” Spinel noticed Amethyst looking on with intense curiosity as well.

Garnet took off her visor. “The Rebellion’s spirit will never pass. What we believe in, we will continue to fight for. But, time has passed, and our approach may have to change. The Earth is a sanctuary we have fought hard, and lost much for. The gems which emerge will have complicated feelings we cannot predict. Though I suspect many will still carry the will to fight, some may feel their duty has been completed, so long as we keep the Earth, and the well-being of the gems on it, a secret. It’s impossible to know when, or how our immediate goal will be completed, so we must focus on what is obtainable now.”

Spinel nodded. That seemed preferable anyways. “Got it. Now, how much of this does Steven know.”

Pearl hummed, words careful. “Over time, he’s learned the nature of the corrupted gems we fight, and due to an incident involving the three gems we’re searching for, some of Homeworld’s capabilities. Due to you _and_ this incident, he knows of the Diamond Authority, but very little, and he knows _of_ the war, but not how it ended. It wasn’t too long ago that he didn’t even know we came from beyond Earth.”

“Yeah,” Amethyst added. “And pretty much all of this he’s gotten on his own, because we’re taking things too slow.” Her words were pointed.

“Amethyst, he’s not ready.” Pearl lashed, but her words were tired. They’d had this argument a lot, Spinel imagined. “He’s too young, he won’t be able to understand how complicated things were.”

“And he’s never _gonna_ if we don’t say something now!”

“He _will_, but it will come later!”

Amethyst stood up. “Every time he doesn’t know something, he goes in thinking he does, and we end up not saying anything, because we don’t know how much to say, or how to say it, and we argue about it later, and can you name a _single_ time that worked out?”

“... He came back for us.” Pearl answered quietly. Amethyst deflated.

“Yeah, but… you know he would have done that even if he _did_ know.” She shook the hair from her face. “Ugh, look. Right now, he thinks Pink Diamond is just someone who used to be Spinel’s friend.” Spinel flinched. “Sorry. But, are we just gonna let him end up asking _Lapis_ about Pink Diamond? Or Jasper, or Peridot, if we find them? It’s got to come from us, we can’t just… We can’t keep letting him run head-first into this stuff.”

Spinel opened her mouth to agree, but Garnet spoke first.

“Amethyst.” She said softly.

“Yeah!?” Amethyst answered, antagonistic.

“That was very mature of you.” Garnet hummed, and without the glasses, Spinel could see the fusion thinking, all three eyes closed. Spinel stood as well, seeing her chance.

“I agree with Amethyst. He oughta know everything about his mom, at least.” Pearl’s eyes were intense, and suddenly she felt awkward. “Uh, since, you know, that’s… literally part of him?”

Suddenly, Garnet’s eyes opened, and she stood as well. Pearl took the cue and joined them. “Both of you are correct.” The maroon gem asserted. “Too much has changed for us to put Steven at risk. There’s no need for him to know about the way things work on Homeworld, but what we’ve told Spinel about the war, Steven can also know. Over the next week, we can discuss what else we might tell him, and how. But tomorrow, we search for Peridot.”

Spinel took a look around at the other gems. It was clear, to someone like her, the way ages old conflicts between them were wearing away. Amethyst and Pearl shot each other a complicated look, but she understood it all the same, because there was real care in those eyes, in the nervous, weary smiles they wore. Steven was what mattered most, and all they ever wanted was what was best for him. Garnet was smiling, and though her posture had hardly changed, it wasn’t quite as ram-rod straight. There was something in the fusion’s voice she couldn’t place, but what _was_ clear was the way a new addition to the ranks was doing wonders for her spirit.

“Alright. Catch me up and I’ll head out with you.” Spinel offered with a brave smile all her own.

Amethyst grinned, and cheered about having _two_ junior Crystal Gems under her now, and Pearl welcomed her aboard, while Garnet gave a clap on the back, and said they’d share the news of their latest addition with Steven in the morning. Spinel took in those happy faces, the smiles of people who believed in her worth, and were happy to have her. And even when the conversation shifted back to the rogue gems, she couldn’t stop smiling.

There would be time to think about all the bad stuff later. For now, there was a big-ole, grand game of hide-and-seek afoot. And she was _real_ good at that.

* * *

**Steven** left as soon as they started talking about Peridot. His heart was beating hard, and there weren’t tears in his eyes, but his throat felt choked all the same.

_Mom shattered someone? And not just anyone, but Spinel’s friend… or, not Spinel’s friend?_

What made a Diamond so important? Were they the leaders of ‘Homeworld’? Did everyone look up to them? But they hurt their own Gems? It sounded like Pink was… nice? Was that dumb? Were they in charge of other Gems that shattered? 

_Mom shattered someone?_

The Gems really cared about him… he already knew that, but it was always good to be reminded. They really _did_ want to tell him things, but… 

_Mom **shattered** someone._

She was the leader of the Rebellion, that much he knew, of course, but… He wondered if shattering was one of the ‘tactics’ Jasper respected. Wondered if Lapis knew about that. Did she care? Is that why she didn’t believe he wanted to help at first? She knew the difference, though, she stood up to Jasper for him. Gosh, he wanted to help her so bad. Would mom have helped her? How much _did_ she try talking to Pink Diamond? Did she not have the words? Would he? Was what she did okay?

“Mom _shattered_ someone.” The words finally reached his lips, and suddenly felt all the realer. His head hurt a little. It had taken a while for some reason, but he finally managed to reach his bed again.

Steven fumbled for his phone, and quickly texted Connie.

_‘need to talk tomorrow. found something out. can’t say more.’_

He looked to the clock next to his bed. 9:20 PM. Connie was definitely in bed, right? Maybe he wouldn’t even get a--

The phone buzzed as Connie responded.

_‘I’ve got tennis practice at 9:15, I’ll be over at 12:00 PM.’_

_‘is that noon or midnight?’_

_‘Noon, silly.’_

_‘oh ok. c u then.’_ And hastily added. _‘thanks’_

Steven sighed in relief. It helped take some of the stress away, but the questions wouldn’t stop. He tossed the covers over himself but it hardly did anything. He forced his eyes closed and didn’t let them open. Tomorrow was big for Spinel, and he still wanted at least _some_ sleep before that happened.

Eventually, his eyes ached. Steven tossed and turned until all the energy was gone and he was sweaty, but somehow sleep claimed him.

And when he woke, there was water pressing in on all sides, crushing and heavy. But at the center, distracted and in chains, was the blue gem he’d been hoping to see for weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some things are beginning to take shape. Next time, Keeping it Together and the start of something entirely new. Maybe Chille Tid as well? We'll see what the pacing ends up like. 
> 
> Didn't read over this one as carefully, so I probably missed some typos (as ever). Happy with how this is all turning out.
> 
> Oh, and in case you're wondering, Pearl had only whispered about how giving Steven time to wind down worked wonders at getting him to actually sleep :)

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to wait until I'd really shown I could be and _was_ committed to this story-line to leave a request like this, but if you're enjoying the story and think someone else would, please do share it! I love hearing what everyone has to say.
> 
> On that thread, I was holding back for a while from reading too many other Spinel stories to keep my ideas original, but I've solidified the future enough that I feel comfortable with what I've made, and would like to make a few recommendations to give forward as well. (These are all also in my bookmarks)
> 
> 'Her Other Friend' by 'Ma_Kir' is a really beautiful exploration of what could have been if Pink or Spinel took action across all points in the timeline. It's evocative and well written and paced and I love it to bits, and so many of the scenarios absolutely blew me away. This one is finished.
> 
> 'A Heart of Crystal' by 'The_Albinocorn' is a Crystal Gem AU in which Spinel was taken by Pink and survived the corruption alongside the usual cast, starting from Episode 1. It's deeply adorable and clever and sincere, and the author's humor is excellent, and I love the way everyone is written. This one is still being written, and I look forward to more.
> 
> 'I Just Need To Find Someone' by 'cym70' is a 3k oneshot friendship fic between Spinel and Pink Pearl, and takes place after the events of the movie. It's wonderfully written, and very cute, and is about boundaries and healing. Can't say too much more. This one is also done.
> 
> As ever, thank you all for reading! <3


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